none, zero, nada
by xArianaxx
Summary: Sakura gets unexpected visitors... but is the visit really as unplanned as she thinks of it? AU, modern settings. Deidara/Sakura


The aroma of butter permeated the air of the kitchen, the sizzling of oil mixed with the sound of her humming, and the promise of tasty food was making her mouth water.

Ino had been dragging her around all day on the lookout for the _perfect dress_, as she described the piece of clothing that had taken long, long hours to find. Clearly, the upcoming dinner with Ino's boyfriend's parents was not only on top of her priority list, but also on Sakura's, because Ino hadn't let her stop by to get a quick snack even _once_ during their shopping.

"_This is too important!" she'd yelled at her everytime they passed a food stand._

Now all Sakura dreamed of was a nice, warm meal and desired sleep later– the thought of a 12-hour shift ahead of her hovered over her head like a dark cloud. She rubbed her eye, stifling a yawn as she stirred the contents of the pan, and that was when she spotted it.

A big, hairy, eight-legged _demon_ crawling all over the wall – _her_ wall – on the far right.

She screamed– an actual, terrified sound escaped her lips as she dropped the spatula and ran out of what used to be a safe place to eat and read and drink her morning coffee and now turned into a no-go zone.

She fumbled for her phone, searching for the right number– she didn't care that it was almost eleven and it was middle of the week– it was an _emergency_, so either Naruto or Kakashi would _have to_ come and save her from–

A knock.

_A knock?_

Her fingers froze on the screen, her ears straining, listening. The thudding noise came up again, this time louder and more persistent.

The face that greeted her when she opened the door was an unexpected view, but one she welcomed with relief and a heart full of hope, despite that a month prior she vowed to hold a grudge against him _forever_, and under any different circumstances she would have shut the door, but now– now, he could atone for his wrongdoing and become her hero– the new neighbor that looked at her quizzically as she watched him with glistening eyes (the fact that the second day after he had moved into the building he had played music until late at night when she was trying to study for a very important exam and couldn't have been bothered to open the door when she had come to ask him to _please, stop_ really didn't hold any value at the moment).

"What's the yelling for?"

"Do you like spiders?" she opened her mouth without thinking, the question coming out before she could phrase it better, and she cringed inwardly at herself.

She wanted him to help her, not weird him out and make him flee.

"Eh, not really?" the blonde male replied, quirking an eyebrow at her, but she couldn't help but notice a slight tug at the corner of his mouth, probably restraining himself from laughing out loud at her awkwardness.

"No, I mean..." Sakura paused as the smell of something _burning_ reached her nose. She wasn't the only one to notice, the stranger's gaze lost somewhere behind her, following the direction of the unpleasant scent's source and she cursed. "Shit."

She rushed out, abandoning her neighbor at the front door, before halting to a stop at the entrance to the kitchen to take a deep breath. The vision of burning down her apartment pushed her just enough to run inside, turn the stove off and get back out as fast as possible (bumping into every furniture in her way, because her house was _small_), her focus never wavering from her feet.

Blue eyes stared at her with a hint of incredulity and lots of amusement, and she grabbed him by the arm, pulling him inside with ease.

"Look," she started, this time thinking over her words. "Could you get rid of that spider in my kitchen? I'll make you dinner – much better than that burned thing, I promise I'm not that bad of a cook – or whatever you'd like in return. Just, please," she finished, out of breath.

She looked up at him pleadingly, not caring that he was barely holding back his laughter.

She _hated_ spiders.

The blonde man cleared his throat. "What spider?"

Sakura raised her arm, pointing to the wall where she had seen the scary animal for the first time only to see it empty. She walked into the kitchen with disbelief written all over her face, spinning around, but the cause of her ruined dinner was nowhere in sight.

"Oh, god."

She panicked, the many scenarios of all the places that monster could be hiding running around her head. "What now?" she asked the man who pulled out the chair and gestured at it.

"We wait for it," he said in the most serious manner, and then, unable to keep a straight face any longer, chuckled at how worked up she got herself over the situation.

Sakura threw him a deadly look that lit up her eyes like a thunderbolt lights up a sky, furious at him for making fun of her fear and herself for losing the vision of that damn spider because of her own stupidity and a big, _big_ aversion to those creatures.

The shift at the hospital that was an inevitable part of her tomorrow's agenda was keep getting closer and closer and Sakura was still hungry and with no plans of getting rest tonight.

There was _no_ way she was ever going to fall asleep knowing what lurked within the walls of her apartment.

She crossed her arms, leaning on the back of the seat. The irritation and dejection were burning in her chest and she took a deep breath to lose the negative emotions, making a face at the lingering smell of her incinerated dinner.

As she sat there, staring blankly at the wall, the guilt for getting angry at her neighbor started to surface on top of her fading displeasure. After all, he'd come to check up on her when she was screaming as if she had been at least chased down by a serial killer instead of ignoring it and agreed – kind of – to help her. He showed more interest than any other of her neighbors did. That was very thoughtful, and Sakura lived from helping people– it was something she valued and acknowledged.

Yet, when she looked over at the blonde male who had busied himself with going through her drawer of silver cutlery she didn't feel nearly as bad. _Manners_.

"So, what's your name?" she asked him, her voice soft with no edge to it.

"Oh," she heard him snicker, his eyes landing back on her, dropping the spoon he was holding up with a clunk. "I thought you forgot about your _amazing_ neighbor who has come to your rescue, out of goodness of his pure heart," he clutched at his chest theatrically.

She rolled her eyes at him. "So far you've only laughed at me and touched my stuff," she accused as she watched him walk towards the fridge.

He then stopped in his tracks, and she frowned at him, confused.

"I'm Deidara, by the way," he spoke after a minute and gazed back at her with a glint in his blue orbs. "Sakura."

Sakura's confusion quickly changed into embarrassment when she realized what he had been looking at– she had multiple notes stuck to her fridge, most of them reminding her of things she couldn't afford to neglect, but there was one specific message that wasn't for anybody's eyes who wasn't in on _why_ it was there in the first place.

Ino and she had this sort of tradition where they left each other embarrassing notes in friendly banter. It had started with Ino leaving Sakura a private note that Naruto had read and teased her with the information it contained for a long time, so in retaliation, Sakura did the same to Ino, and it had escalated to at least one silly note per month ever since that incident.

She remembered yelling at Ino after the first accidental note for not calling her, but Ino accused her of always keeping her phone on silent and not picking up (which happened often, but not _always_, Sakura argued) and had claimed that it was too important to wait (which it wasn't), and that Sakura was more likely to read the note than to answer a call (and she did neither because she found out from _Naruto_).

"Are you okay? You seem flustered."

This month's note from Ino had the purpose of reminding Sakura to go to the doctor with her _rash_ that she definitely did _not_ have.

Sakura touched her cheeks, all nice and warm, and mumbled, "I don't have... the rash, okay?"

She ripped up the piece of paper and threw it in the trash while her neighbor– _Deidara_ watched her with a grin.

She turned to him. "So, the spider–" she started, changing the course of the conversation back to the main reason why she'd invited him in at all, but the blonde cut her off.

"–is nowhere to be seen."

She glared at him. "Do you always show a lack of proper behavior at strangers' houses?"

"Do you always share that much information about yourself with strangers you've just met?" he countered, raising an eyebrow at her in a challenging manner.

"I didn't share anything _willingly_," she protested, and then just couldn't help but crack a _smile_ out of exasperation and how ridiculous the situation– _he_ was. She wondered how much fun he was having with her, and judging by his amused expression, it must have been a lot.

She shook her head, telling him, "We're not playing that game."

"What game?"

"The game where everything I say you counter with something to rile me up."

Deidara suddenly perked up, pushing off the cupboard he was leaning on, as if a brilliant idea had just graced his mind. "Agreed."

He began to move the chairs around, and Sakura could only stand and watch him stunned, not able to get any words out to ask him what the _hell_ he was doing to her kitchen, until he pulled at the table and she practically squealed at him as the wooden legs glided on the surface of the ceramic floor with a squeak.

Sakura looked at him pointedly, a chain of questions on the tip of her tongue, but he just shrugged. "We're going to play a different game."

She glanced at the two chairs facing each other and then back at the blonde male with a big grin on his face and let out an exasperated sigh.

"And that requires rearranging furnishing in _my_ kitchen?" she asked, stressing whose apartment they were currently occupying. The very same apartment that still wasn't rid of an unwelcome spider. At this pace, not only she wouldn't find any sleep before her shift, she might not even make it to the hospital on time.

Deidara decided on disregarding her question, as if she hadn't spoken, and carried on. "You know how to play 21 questions, right?"

Sakura cocked her head at him.

Deidara smiled at her cheekily while taking a seat and then patted the other, empty chair with his palm. Seeing her hesitancy when she didn't budge, he added, "Getting to know your closest neighbors is only ever courteous."

"And that was?" she gestured at the table, that was in a different position than where it was five minutes ago. Hearing the word having anything to do with politeness leave his lips sounded ridiculous.

"I never said that _I'm_ courteous. Are you?"

Sakura pouted. He knew how to take the right approach to her.

"I really don't understand why you had to ruin my floor," she told him when she finally sat down across from him with a whine.

"It's definitely not ruined," he chided her. "And it's more fun to play it that way."

He smiled devilishly and Sakura averted her eyes away from his, the eye contact suddenly feeling too much, but with such proximity, it was hard to focus on anything around her. His body always lurked somewhere within her vision, and his gaze burned into her, coaxing her to look back at him and there was no way to hide from it, and she understood what he meant how it was more _fun_. She didn't share the enthusiasm.

"I'll let you go first since you look so freaked out," Deidara chuckled.

"I'm not freaked out," Sakura objected, puffing out the air. It wasn't like she had anything interesting to tell, and if he asked her something she didn't want him to know, she could always move. Buildings. Or countries. It seemed more and more like a probability since her house wasn't habitable anymore because of an unwanted roommate. "Anything off-limits?"

"Not for me," her neighbor answered confidently.

Sakura sighed once more, looking back at him, one of his eyebrows raised as he waited for her question. She searched around the scattered pieces of information in her mind she had on him, but her knowledge was practically non-existent, apart from the fact that he'd been living in her complex for a little over a month and almost made her fail her exams. She thought back to that day, how her annoyance went through the roof having to listen to his choice of music, and still felt like she wanted to make him aware of that and pester him about it.

"I didn't like you from the beginning," she blurted out, once more without thinking, and Deidara's forehead creased in a frown.

That was one way to go about it.

Her cheeks stained with the crimson color, and she decided to play along with what she'd uttered.

"Did I accidentally kill your cat backing out of the parking lot or what?"

"Worse."

"Worse than killing your cat?"

"Actually, no," she said after a pause as he was staring at her with a deep confusion, enjoying the wide-eyed look he was gracing her with. "But maybe just as bad."

"What the hell?"

She looked at him significantly. "You don't remember?"

"Doing something as bad as ending the life of an alive pillow of fluff? No," he stopped before adding with a tilt to his mouth. "But you're a woman so you could put that kind of value to anything trivial. Let me guess."

"Asshole," she murmured, but smiled at him. "You held no respect for people trying to study for their _very_ important exam, and ignored their knocking when they came to yell at you," she explained.

"Is that why everytime you pass me by in the hallway you look at me like you've been planning my downfall?"

"Well, I had the hardest time to focus on the books and I wasn't prepared enough the next day because of you and your 'wake me up before you go, go' on repeat for _hours_. You deserved it."

"When you put it like that," he said, but was looking at her as if he didn't agree with the punishment she'd served him. "My turn."

"You had your chance," he reminded her when she opened her mouth to argue that she didn't get to ask a question.

"How long is your tomorrow's shift?"

The question caught her off guard, not at all expecting that kind of inquisition. She shot him a weird look, but he just probed her to answer.

"12 hours."

"What–"

"–What about the day after tomorrow?" he interjected, stealing her turn.

Sakura furrowed her brows, eyes stormy, mad for the interruption. Why was he even so curious about her work anyway?

She eyed him suspiciously. "Are you planning on robbing me or something?"

He made a move to gaze ostentatiously around the kitchen, silently asking her _rob what?_ and she rolled her eyes at the insult. "Whatever. It's my turn anyway."

"Indulge me."

She snorted. "No way."

"Just answer."

"No."

"It's a simple yes or no question."

"No."

"So you're free."

"That's not what I mea–"

"Go out with me then."

Her words got stuck in her throat, as he stunned her into silence.

She saw him giving her the most charming smile yet, and she had to blink, repeatedly, because it wouldn't go away nor he would start laughing, telling her that she was so easy to infuriate.

"We don't even know each other."

"We've been neighbors for a month," he told her as if that accounted for something, given the fact they'd never talked before. _And_ she still held him responsible for not doing her best during her exams.

"And we haven't spoken even once."

"We're talking now."

"For the first time."

"Isn't it how it starts?"

She opened her mouth, just to close it again, silently agreeing with that logic. Still, no matter how charming his smiles could be, she had to focus on her studies and work, so she had no time in between to jiggle a boyfriend too.

"I'm too busy with my life right now."

Deidara made a face. "I'm not proposing."

"What even brought this on?" she asked him, wondering when did this sudden interest in her sparked in him. She'd lie if she said that he wasn't attractive, with his sharp jaw and a cocky smile that somehow made him look _really_ good and not like a complete ass, but she hadn't put any thought to the idea of any dates transpiring between them in near future. Or ever. Now that he voiced such a possibility, she found herself involuntary pondering over it.

He may have not gotten rid of the spider yet, but he promised to help and ignited a lot of emotions within her– not always positive ones, but she could work with that. She never liked boring or plain, anyway. Ino would be delighted and finally leave her alone with her nagging to _'finally find a boyfriend, because it's time'_, if she had agreed to a date, and it didn't have to lead to anything serious.

She didn't have time to engage herself with people nowadays, so when the opportunity presented itself like this, seemingly more appealing with every second as she thought over it, it would be a shame not to take it.

She was about to take him up on the offer when the bell rang in the confines of her apartment. She left her blonde neighbor in her kitchen with _don't touch my spoons_ who made a face at that, so she could be greeted by another blonde– this time female, and one she knew very well.

Before Sakura got the chance to ask her what she was doing here _now_, so late, Ino cannon-balled her with questions.

"How was it with the hot neighbor? What's he like? Asshole or not? Seemed like an ass to me, but I know you like those, so–" she stopped suddenly, her eyes darting somewhere behind her.

Sakura turned around to see Deidara in the entrance of the kitchen, a horrified expression on his face, as he motioned his hand in the gesture that could only be interpreted as _shut up_.

Looking back towards the main doorway, Ino was already gone, and stunned, Sakura shut the door, aiming to find out what the hell was going on from her _lovely_ neighbor.

She tried to keep her head from forming any speculations as she made the distance to the kitchen, but to no avail – her mind was swarming with not-so-pleasant ideas.

Was it some kind of prank? Maybe Ino hired him to date her, thinking she _couldn't_ find a boyfriend. How did they know each other? When did they meet? _Where_ did they meet? Did they know each other _before_ he had moved into her building? How would Ino even know she'd just met him? That he had been in her apartment?

Did she have some surveillance? Shit, what if there were some hidden cameras concealed around her apartment? She'd heard about creepy, old landlords planting those kinds of devices in the houses they were renting so they could spy on people. But how would her friend know about this?

"Explain."

Deidara looked at her, both his eyes and smile apologetic, but she crossed her arms, not giving in to his puppy-like face.

"Well," he spoke, stretching out his words, and she felt like stomping her foot like a child. She resisted the urge, not wanting to wake up her neighbors from downstairs. "That spider, it might be my fault."

"What?"

Now, _that_ was the kind of answer that wouldn't have crossed her mind no matter how hard she tried.

"I might have asked your friend to let me into your apartment, so I could leave the spider inside."

She stared at him blankly, hearing his words but not quite grasping them. Why would a person purposefully leave a spider in someone's house?

_why? why? why?_

That question only floated around her mind before she found the voice to say it out loud.

Deidara looked away, before catching her eye again, seeming almost annoyed at her.

At her!

"Well, you and your friend constantly hang around the hallway, standing in your doorway, talking about stupid shit because you never tire of blabbering, even when she's supposed to leave and then when I catch you doing that, because it's annoying and you disturb me working, you shoot me that death glare you've been giving me since the very first day I saw you, and I couldn't help but be intrigued."

He spoke fast, very fast, mumbling by the end, and she had to strain her ears, and then get a bit closer to even hear anything.

Then, when the words sunk in, she felt furious. Flattered in a very odd way, but furious.

"I cannot believe," she jabbed a finger at his chest, shaking her head. "I am _terrified_ of spiders. Terrified!"

Deidara rushed to explain, looking almost displeased at her choice of words. "Your friend said you are scared, but I thought it was the 'help-me-please' rather than 'holy-shit-I'm-gonna-die-and-let-everyone-in-the-country-know-it'' kind of way."

Sakura closed her eyes, mulling over the new revelation. How did one ever, _ever_ get such an idea was way beyond her. No matter how many books she'd read, how many movies she'd watched, how many stupid videos she'd seen, she'd never come across something the likes of it.

Points for creativity: she'd give him many. Hundreds even.

Points for stopping for a second to think if that creativity was something he should go along with: none, zero, nada.

"It was the dumbest thing ever. Whatever happened to asking people out the _normal_ way?"

"If I came in, asking for a cup of sugar and then mentioning a date, it wouldn't leave the same impression, would it?" he tried giving her a cheeky smile, but Sakura wasn't having it.

Weren't people usually concerned about leaving a _positive_ impression rather than the exact opposite of that?

He looked away. "You weren't supposed to find out about my involvement. At least not yet," he added, sighing as if the whole ordeal was too much drama, and he regretted plotting that plan.

Her head was beginning to throb, but she had to admit it was the cleverest, despite being the most stupid way of trying to get her attention. She would probably find a way to bodily harm him if he ever tried something alike ever again, though.

At this moment, she was too tired to keep her anger alive for much longer.

He stirred too many contradicting emotions within her and it wore her out and all she wanted to do was _sleep_.

"You'd better get rid of that spider _tonight_," she told him, barely holding her eyes open anymore. "Then you will bring me breakfast in the morning, and pay for dinner on Friday. And if you play nice, then maybe we can count that as a date."

"Understood?" she called out as she was retreating to her bedroom and he saluted her with a grin on his face.

_Unbelievable._


End file.
